So I'm in my thirties and while I don't hear my clock ticking (which might a ticking time bomb, just waiting to go off) I'm not get any younger. Neither is he. We met four yrs ago, via online (yeah I know but these days one has got to think outside the box and since what was in the box just wasn't working very well it was overdue). We clicked right off the muscle. Now I'm not saying he is perfect, he does have his flaws but hell who doesn't? He's a gentlemen, he loves to cater/spoil, he is a bit hood but he knows how to turn them on and off, he's an awesome father to his kids, he has a great work ethic and he treats me well.
Just one catch, I don't plan to spend the rest of my life dating. I'm not here to be his friend for the next 50yrs. I'd like to get married, and find someone to spend the rest of my life with. Whatever is left of it. For a while when I tried to discuss it, he'd blow me off with some excuse that he couldn't talk for one reason or another. I tried to push, but eventually just gave up. He actually got mad, on the grounds that it wasn't important to me, and that I didn't really want to get married or better still that I didn't wanna marry him because I think he isn't good enough. None of which is true. I'd love to wake up to him every morning, make hims breakfast/dinner, I'd love to have random conversation with him and the kids just because. I feel like I'm forgetting something tho I have no clue what it is. I'm not afraid to admit that not only do I love him, but I'm in love with him as well. Sure, he can be an asshole and yes he is spiteful, but so am I. He balances me in a way that I cant quite explain. What I can say is that I'm not that willing to just let it slip through my fingers.
I believe that unlike me, he is afraid, though he won't say so. Marriage isn't some shit you do right off the cuff like buying a pair of shoes, or getting a new tattoo. Its a serious committment, loyalty, faith, and patience to name a few things. While it isn't moving backward, I feel like it's not moving in a forward motion.
I don't wanna leave, but I feel like there won't be any options left soon.
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